We recently had a significant announcement in our family. Our daughter, now in her thirties, was having another child. Truth be told, we knew that was going to happen, and it was the gender reveal that was the news. “Gender reveal” is a term I can’t quite get used to because it sounds like one of the categories I can’t ever find at Lowe’s. I see signs that say GRILL TOOLS, CARPET REMNANTS, and there in the back you’ll find the GENDER REVEALS (you know, the motion detector nightlights that look like seashells).
When I’m at Lowe’s looking for zip ties or car deodorant replacement capsules, I find them in a unique way. I take my list right up to one of the people with vests on and they tell me what aisle everything is in. That saves me from weaving in and out of lumber jacks, oil refinery repairmen, and giants that can only be found in storybooks. These people intimidate me because, for one, they are twice as big as me in height and circumference, and because they are in a hurry. They are waiting to get back to a job where they are already running four days behind schedule, which explains why almost invariably, they are wearing the same Refrigiwear Coveralls they had on a month ago.
Recently, carrying with me these types of obvious prejudices, I was at Lowe’s, headed to pay for my VELCRO, when I turned the corner and ran into a stack of two-by-fours on a cart pushed by a man I took to be a sumo wrestler. The cart he was pushing was in line to pay, but due to its length was the entire line itself, so I eased past it and found my lowly place, stood quietly waiting, hoping not to get picked up and body slammed.
“How ya doing today?” the wrestler opened up.
“Good, how ‘bout yourself?” I said, trying to avoid any sign of weakness on my part. “What kind of project are you up to today?” I offered.
“Building an addition,” he said. “There’s always something, right?”
“Fer sure,” I noted, using my best carpenter-type talk. “What company ya with?”
“This? No, it’s for us. We ran outa room.”
“I take it that means kids are taking over.”
“You got it. This one will be number nine,” Sumo said with a sigh.
“Boy, girl?”
“Don’t know yet. We’ll find out sooner or later.”
“Do you do the whole gender reveal thing?” I asked.
Thrown off, he looked at me like I was from another country. Shortly though, he did reply.
“No, I just use nails the old-fashioned way. You can find those things over with WHEELBARROWS and PUSHCARTS. I really don’t know why Lowe’s puts them there. Makes no sense, does it?” he stated.
“No, it doesn’t,” I said. “Not at all. I don’t get any of it. Too many changes, too many signs.”
We both had a good laugh at that one. It was a gender reveal all in itself.