I have had one mixed up week. When I stop to think about it, the week was like a collage that needs some fine tuning. The weekend is here, and I’m still arranging the pieces to bring some order out of it all. I chose the swatches of color and texture, but there’s a few that found their way into the collage on their own, and several that will have to be recycled into another week, another piece. And dang it, I really wanted to knock your socks off with a fantastic blog that would add to your story, but honestly what you’ll read here doesn’t have a good frame around it yet.
First, my wife and I took our grandson out to eat last Sunday, and crossed a dangerous threshold when, in the middle of a large Sprite, my grandson emitted an enormous belch the size of North Dakota. As the restaurant around us went dead quiet, even my grandson slunk down in the booth to escape. I listened for some compassionate or sheltering sound, perhaps a noise to buffer the deafening silence but there wasn’t even a clinking fork to be heard. Nothing screened us from those stares, and even though we corrected our grandson on his manners, a mirror was held up to my wife and me. In fact, our shame was so palpable even the Spotify playing overhead switched itself off. Five minutes later, when I had the courage to resurface from under the table, I felt I was halfway between heaven and hell, with a mark on my head that said EMBARRASSMENT.
On a positive note, my father of almost one hundred years old changed rooms at his nursing home this week. Even though he only moved one floor down, changes come hard during this last season of his life. I’ve heard that moving is one of the top three worries for an adult, right behind death and public speaking. Of the three, most of us, including my dad, would choose the move. In his new room, he’ll be right across the hall from the laundry room, and since my washer at home is older than he is, I plan to do my laundry there while Dad distracts the staff. I can’t wait to send my yard shoes through the tough stain cycle and push a couple of the new buttons we don’t have at home.
The third loose end that I want to share with you, kind of clear up if you will, is the “newsworthy” video showing Hawaiian goats fainting when put under too much stress. I would say these YouTubes took the internet by storm, except that when you watch one the videos of these goats keeling over, they ain’t stormin’ nuttin’. One minute they are running around the barnyard more limber than a yoga instructor, the next thing you know, they stiffen up and fall over, out cold in the dirt. I’m perturbed by the attention these myotonic goats are getting because I’ve been stiff for the last five years and nothing about that picture ever went viral. If it had, you can be sure I’d be calling you and we’d all go myotonic together, by golly. Give me a break! Man o’man.
Lastly, and probably the most exasperating piece of last week’s puzzle, because it’ll never be fixed, is my displeasure over my very favorite coffee shop. To be sure, I love their coffee so much I would work there for Splenda. Sadly, they have made so many changes that buying their coffee almost isn’t worth it, emphasis on almost. My biggest beef is their drive-through system, which is not a system at all but a series of interlocking exchanges, merges and off ramps similar to those you’d find in Chicago or possibly Henderson. I would rather have an MRI than try to negotiate the traffic jam that commonly ensues there. So, today I went inside to make my coffee, but the coffee countertop has been replaced by a twelve-foot reconstructed portion of the border wall between the US and Mexico. I finally decided to take my coffee in my own hands, go home, fire up my four-cupper and reset my day.
I’d love some feedback on how all your pieces collaged together this week. It would be fun see how they look next to each other in a piece I could write next week. By the way, I would ask that you not scold me too harshly about that restaurant incident. My grandson and I had a burping contest the day before that happened, so I’ve got some growing up to do.