We Slappies are happy
We laugh with such ease
We chuckle and chortle
bellow, giggle and sneeze
As if we needed
an excuse to be happy
The holidays bring out
All the hoots in us Slappies!
In fact, we laugh ‘til we cry
and start in Slaptober
Then fall over backwards,
Take a breath and start over!
But around Christmas Eve
When our stomach start rumbling
We stop cracking jokes
get grumpy with grumbling
All the rib tickling howls
Makes us weak in our knees
Slap-Junie begins asking,
“Where’s the pot of stew please?”
Then out comes the kettle,
We know what to do
We fire up the burners!
To make Big Slappy Stew!
An old-printed recipe
In the mail does appear
from cold Baked Alaska
on Slap-Eskimo spears
We tear open the envelope
That’s yellowed with age,
We read the chicken scratch
all down the slap-page.
“Chop up slap-veggies
Add broth from a bottle
then boil and then simmer
Rev up to high throttle!
Cousin Slap-Porky
Who loves grisly fat
Drips grease on the mix
And a bit of slap that.
Why, even Slap-Big-Daddy,
Who rolls, never walks
Gets up and starts cooking
adding celery slap-stalks.
A weird meat from a can
Is dumped in with a plop
Bobbles and fizzes
Then sinks like a rock–
The soup begins boiling,
A lime greenish goo
Turns brown and reminds us
of Slap-baby’s slap-poo!
A cloud from the kettle
Fills the room up with steam
It clouds our slap-vision
tastes just like slap cream!
But something was missing
We’re not sure quite what
Something baffling and odd
Is wrong in our guts.
Then Great Grand-Mappy Slappy
Stepped up to the stove
With a long wooden spoon
And a bucket of cloves
We hold our slap breath
While she sips the thick broth
“It’s almost slap-ready!
Now my secret slap-sauce!”
“It’s made with bananas
and a porcupine nose
One ice cube that’s melted
And straw from scarecrows.”
Then, she did something magic
She untied her slap-shoe
Held it up by the laces
High above the Slap-stew!
Twice it went down
Once more for good measure
A sniffy nose whiffed the air
Belonging to Slap-Esther
Slap-Uncle Marzoli
Who flew in from Frazolis
Sipped a spoonful with cornbread,
And yelled “Marveoli!”
All the chunks in the kettle
Every drop and each batch
Got eaten that day
Went down the slap-hatch
Long lost cousins
no one knew from Slap-Dovers
flew in for dinner,
And flew out with leftovers!
We were stuffed with stew –
Our tummies were happy–
We started to giggle
And laugh like old Slappies!
Yes! We started very slow…
First a snicker, then louder
Then fell out of chairs,
Which was not even allowed-er
Well…Christmas returned
To all Slappies that year
With slap happy soup
And jolly good cheer
Great Grand-Mappy Slappy
Whose shoe was still wet
Reared back with a laugh
and said,
”Please don’t forget…
If your family gets cranky
Around Christmas time
Quits being silly and
Quits rhyming rhymes
Just crank up the stove
And take off your shoes
Bring the pot to a boil
and make Slappy Stew!”
You’ll smile and you’ll snort
With Slappy Tom-Foolery
Eat stew ‘til you can’t
Say words like charcuterie!
But the best part is your
good humor you know,
The real soup that is brewing
Is inside your slap-sole
You make it together,
It’s big Slappy Stew
It feeds sixty-three people
Maybe less, sixty-two!
The recipe? It’s simple–
You’ll need a banana
and a porcupine nose
One ice cube that’s melted
and straw from scarecrows.
You’ll need lots of laughter
To make Christmas Slap-stew
But don’t forget the love!
(And that old leather shoe).